Persistance Pays
Once you’ve accepted that there’s no going back, you’ll be surprised at how easy it becomes to step into your full self. I’ve been reading and listening to a lot of sage advice from the world’s leading thinkers and doers, and what has become extraordinarily clear to me is the purpose in my life. It’s not something career-based, or even a tangible goal or finish line moment, but rather, a determination to become the most elite vessel for God’s service possible. This is, after all, the nature of the faith of Islam and the duty of the practicing Muslim. As I approach 39 years on Earth, those trivial pursuits I had in the past have either been realized or I’ve come to a realization that I was misguided in my quest to achieve them. Every morning, the world opens up to me in a uniquely singular way that takes stock of all of my being, merges it with the issues and opportunities of the day, and poses a simple question to my inner being - ‘are you ready to use what you have to get to the next step?’
I’ve been asked this question in multiple ways that I can remember, and probably countless more times while I was unable to perceive the message. Every time, I was left with a choice to make: a choice so simple that it was terrifying and often left me frozen. Once, I was on a hike with a lover of mine in the mountains of Boulder, tripping on shrooms, breathing the type of air this Chicago kid never knew existed, when I looked up a babbling brook lined by evergreen trees and saw a mirage that quickly materialized into a portal that only I could see. The question hit me plain as day - ‘are you ready?’ I was nowhere close to being ready, and didn’t even know how to internalize the question. The moment passed, the mirage faded, the portal disappeared, and I was left to ponder the question ad nauseam. After that encounter, I was determined to have a better understanding of that question. I wanted to build up such momentum in my mind, my body, my spirit, that if I got blessed to encounter that portal again in whatever format it decided to appear to me, I would be fearless, precise, and ready to walk through.
Since that day, the portal has re-appeared for me 3 times. One was when my father passed away while I was on the other side of the country and in lukewarm straights with my mother, and the next was at the tail end of a full ego death where I had to close the chapter on something I’d been pushing for my entire life up to that point. The third one was when opportunity turned to ultimatum with a lover after our repoire had already plummeted. With each of those moments, I used my understanding of who I am, the work I’d done, and what God intended for me to make painful but purposeful decisions on what road to take. Some of them i’m still reeling from, but I feel positive about how I handled each situation. Who knows what the next portal will look like.
